I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he thought i was a dude.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Randomize
