I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my shit smells like andre
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
