Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
