My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
