She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
