This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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