I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
