There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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