I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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