If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
