The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
