I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
