I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
