I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That accounts for only three of the penises
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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