apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The uberlube is also flammable
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
