I cannot find my penis.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
