My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
