I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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