I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
