Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well you can't waste a boner
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
