I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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