when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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