Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
