They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
