watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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