I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
