no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
