dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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