That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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