Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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