Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
