Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
