handjob tips. give me some.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
