I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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