i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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