Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
