Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
