I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
