like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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