dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just invented taco cereal.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
