no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
