I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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