I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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