I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
