"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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