Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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