Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
