Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
