i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
