I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
