If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
