Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
